btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
