i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
