Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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