im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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