Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
