why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
