Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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