Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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