I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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