I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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