I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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