Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
