I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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