mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
