Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
