I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
