he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
