these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
