My friends, they love my intelligence
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize