why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
