guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
