Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
