Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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