i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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