worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
