why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize