i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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