Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
