I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
