I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
