i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
