I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You are the jesus of drinking
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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