im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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