I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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