You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
