i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I want a musical about memes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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