everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did i walk over a car last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am available for nakedness
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
