Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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