Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
