whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
