last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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