I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
