i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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