i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
