bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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