lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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