margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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