i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
