Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i drank out of a bidet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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