I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
