She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
