My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
