I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
