do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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