My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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