So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
