I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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