and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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