it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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