Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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