I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
