I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
