New invention idea: vibrating tampons
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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