you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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