i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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