We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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