I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
