I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
