I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
