Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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