i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
