Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
