you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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